Aris Limassol are not a good football team.
Bruce Springsteen once said, "I like narrative storytelling as being part of a tradition, a folk tradition."
The Boss's words ring true, especially in the case of Aris Limassol, whose surprising 2-1 victory over the Glasgow Rangers was met with more ridicule than admiration.
Aleksey Shpilevsky's team seemingly had no chance against a Rangers squad seeking redemption after a weekend loss to Aberdeen and the departure of their head coach, Michael Beale.
Many expected Aris to simply accept a thrashing, given their reputation as a team comprised of amateur plumbers and farmers. But let's reconsider that notion, shall we?
Take goalkeeper Vana Alves, for instance. With his slicked-back hair and mustache, he might make an excellent Super Mario at a costume party. However, those familiar with the Brazilian know that he's a two-time Portuguese title winner with FC Porto.
Left-back Caju, who missed the Rangers match due to injury, boasts a Portuguese cup medal from SC Braga's victorious 2021 campaign.
Franz Brorrson and Leo Bengtsson, part-time Ikea cashiers*, have a combined total of five Swedish titles between them. Bengtsson, in particular, tortured Tavernier for 68 minutes before being substituted.
Fisherman* and Serbian international Slobodan Urosevic won two Serbian cups with Partizan Belgrade. Meanwhile, IT Helpdesk staff* Yannick Gomis (Senegal), Mihlali Mayambela (South Africa), and Steeve Yago (Burkina Faso) proudly represent their national teams.
Alex Moussounda (Gabon), who scored the opening goal, not only plays for his national team but also owns a Chinese restaurant in downtown Limassol*. His compatriot Shavy Babicka, another goalscorer, proved his mettle, as Croatian international Borna Barisic can attest after their encounter.
Julius Szoke, with six years of performing magic acts* in Kazakhstan, Belarus, and Israel, was the magician who made former Premier League midfielder John Lundstram disappear for a full 90 minutes.
In fact, the only true professional footballers on Aris's roster are Aleksander Kokorin (on loan from Fiorentina), Mariusz Stepinski (on loan from Hellas Verona), and former Aberdeen B team midfielder Morgan Brown, who, interestingly, doubles as a part-time scuba diving instructor*.
In reality, Rangers should feel a sense of embarrassment for losing to the Cypriot champions, currently positioned fifth in their league, just three points off the top spot.
Springsteen's perspective on narratives is apropos here. The art of storytelling begins on a blank canvas. Aris Limassol, a small 93-year-old club with only one league title to their name, wasn't supposed to defeat a European giant—even if that giant has, technically, only 11 years of history. It's a narrative that challenges preconceived notions, doesn't it? Sounds familiar?
*Note: The statements marked with an asterisk are not accurate.
